If you’ve ever struggled to get your crap together when it comes to money, you’ve likely asked some variation of this question: “What’s wrong with me?”
“What’s wrong with me? I make a good income, so why don’t I have anything to show for it?”
“What’s wrong with me? I should have these student loans paid off by now.”
“What’s wrong with me? I have almost no money saved.”
“What’s wrong with me? I’m overwhelmed with money anxiety and I don’t even know where to start.”
I’m listening to a fabulous audiobook by one of my favorite authors and motivational speakers, Mel Robbins, called Take Control of Your Life. (It’s awesome, and you should totally listen to it!)
In it, Mel says we should stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking a different question:
“What happened to me?”
What has happened to you in the past that might still be affecting you now? All negative money behaviors have an emotional trigger at their core caused by an event from our past. Most of the time, we don’t even realize it.
Maybe you spend all your income because you saw your parents living paycheck to paycheck so having extra money makes you nervous deep down inside.
Maybe you overspend because you’re shopping to distract yourself from your problems (which is exactly what your mom or dad did).
Sometimes what happened to you had nothing to do with money at all, but it’s showing up in your financial behaviors. A traumatic event like a divorce, harsh words spoken to you by a loved one, or bullying might manifest itself in your interactions with money.
Asking “What’s wrong with me?” doesn’t solve your money issues.
It just causes you to feel like a failure. And that makes you want to avoid dealing with your money issues.
Asking “what happened to me?” activates your curiosity. It allows you to see how events from your past may still be affecting you. And it gives you the power to examine those beliefs and behaviors – and to decide if they are still serving you or not.
If you work with me in any capacity – coaching, group program, live class – I promise I will NEVER ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
But I will ask, “What happened to you?” Because what comes after that question is where healing begins.
P.S. Ready to repair your relationship with money? Schedule a time to chat with me and we’ll figure out the best solution for you.