Is there anything that baffles women more than men, money, and emotions? Probably not! That’s why I’m super excited to welcome today’s special guest, my friend, Men’s Empowerment and Relationship Coach, Kevin Bruce Scott to the Money is Emotional podcast. Kevin is a leader of leaders, a leader of men, and works hard to be an example for men of all walks of life. The motto for the Effortless Alpha brotherhood he created is “Honoring Individual Masculinity.” His life-transforming work with men in groups and one-on-one has sparked the Masculine Expansion, an effort to encourage men to lead themselves and their communities with power, honor, discipline, and respect.
Men, Money, and Emotions
How did Kevin get his start teaching other men to expand their emotional intelligence and communication skills? Was he simply born and raised an emotionally intelligent man? Alas, Kevin admits this took a great deal of time and effort on his part. His fiance, Melanie Ann Layer, encouraged his journey, and he had a his breakthough at at couples conference they attended together.
What’s Going on Inside Men’s Heads
Women want to know: what is going on inside men’s heads and hearts when it comes to money? You might be surprised at Kevin’s answer. For the average man, there’s a ton of pressure to provide for his partner and family. There can be a great deal of guilt and shame if a man feels he can’t provide not just for the necessities of life, but also for the dreams. It’s easier to put the blame somwhere else: on the economy, on the government, or on his employer. For many men, their self-worth is connected to how well they’re doing financially.
How Men Feel When Women Out-Earn Them
I asked Kevin, “Why is it emotionally tough for men to have a partner who out-earns them? And is there anything high-earning women can do to help the situation?” Plain and simply, Kevin says it’s because that’s the societal narrative. “You’re not masculine if you don’t provide for your partner. You’re not a man if your woman out-earns you.” Although it’s kind of ridiculous when you say it out loud, most men have a deep-seated visceral reaction.
So what’s the solution? Kevin says it’s all about providing in different ways. Men can provide structure, food, cleanliness, a safe place for their partner’s emotions. If the woman has a high-paying, high-powered career, her man can provide for her by maintaining her car, stocking the kitchen, handling home repairs, managing the bills. There are many ways for a man to tangibly provide without it being money.
Communication Tips for Men and Women
When you have a money issue, how can bring it up so it’s not a fight? We know it’s not healthy to avoid money discussions, but they can feel very prickly! Kevin says that setting the context, before launching into the issue is key. Have the pre-conversation about the conversation about money with your partner first! It might go something like this: “I would like to talk about money. I would like to change the way that we communicate about money. We’re going to figure out how to talk about money, and it’s going to be fun! We’re gonna figure out how to make money fun. Do you want to do that?”
Acknowledge that it’s going to be uncomfortable at first. Say, “If I get angry, if you get angry, we’re not leaving the relationship.” Take a time out and breathe if you need to, but always let your partner know that you are coming back! Kevin says that women need to understand this. Your partner is terrified that you will leave him after a money conversation that didn’t go well.
The Word of Man
Kevin closes out our time on the podcast by telling us about his amazing program, The Word of Man. (tell Kevin I sent you!) “It’s called the Word of Man because, as men, the person that it’s hardest to keep our word to is ourselves. It’s easier to keep our word to our boss, or partner, or our kid. But when we start keeping our word to ourselves, that’s a game changer! My relationship is the most important part of my life. The men that I’ve worked with, when they’ve put their relationship first, their finances have improved dramatically and fairly quickly.
A huge thank you to Kevin Bruce Scott for demystifying men, money, and emotions for us!
My book, Money is Emotional: Prevent Your Heart From Hijacking Your Wallet, is a great resource for having productive money discussions with your spouse or partner!