How Do I Get My Wife to Stop Spending Money

How Do I Get My Wife to Stop Spending Money?

You open your monthly credit card statement and almost faint when you see the total. Oh. My. God. How do I get my wife to stop spending money? There must be some mistake, right? As your shock subsides, anger rushes into take its place. “Honey! Get in here!” you bellow. The dreaded monthly credit card fight is about to begin.

How do you get your spouse to stop spending money so you can feel secure about the future? You really want to rein in your family’s monthly spending. Not to mention load money into your kids’ college funds and increase your 401(k) contributions. Here are 4 ways to get your wife (or husband) on the same page with you.

4 Ways to Get Your Wife to Stop Spending Money:

1.) Begin with WHY.

Paint a picture of why a change in spending habits will improve the quality of life for your whole family and how she will be happier. Talk about how awesome it will feel to send your kids through college without student loan debt. Dream about the life you want in retirement. Get her excited about the Hawaiian vacation you want to take for your anniversary. Beginning with why draws people in. Berating your spouse for their irresponsible spending habits pushes them away and puts them on the defensive. Creating a vision board with your spouse is a fun and powerful exercise that will keep both of you focused on the financial future of your dreams.

2.) Find and eliminate the neutral “financial black holes.”

Many times during my coaching sessions with clients, I discover “financial black holes” to which neither spouse is particularly attached. You might have a gym membership that hasn’t been used in two years, or four movie channels that no one in your family ever watches. Examine your monthly bills and recurring charges to your credit cards and bank accounts. Present these options to your husband or wife for spending cuts first, since they are emotionally neutral.

3.) Examine your own spending.

Great relationships involve the ability to compromise. If you are going to ask your husband or wife to stop spending money, you also need to come to the table with your cuts. It’s very rare that just one person in the relationship is overspending. Be willing to take an honest look at your own contribution to the spending problem and offer up proposed changes. If your wife sees that you’re willing to forego season tickets to your favorite sports team as a sacrifice for the family’s financial goals, she’ll be much more likely to reciprocate.

4.) Place limits on “happiness purchases.”

If your wife must own every new purse that Coach cranks out, she will be resentful and possibly rebel against your new financial plan if you attempt to completely eliminate her spending in this area. I would recommend you and your spouse come to an agreement about how much each of you can spend on your “happiness purchases,” each month. You could even transfer a certain amount monthly to a prepaid credit card for that purpose. Just as most crash diets fail, you need to have some portion-controlled fun while still working toward your long-term financial goals so you don’t fall off the wagon!

When you approach spending cuts with a spirit of cooperation and compromise, you’ve got a higher likelihood of winning your wife (or husband!) to your way of thinking.

Are you struggling to persuade your spouse to stop spending so much money?

Schedule a free 15-minute call with me to see if financial coaching would be a good solution for you and your honey.

Comments 5

  1. The simplest answer is to marry a frugal person and to be frugal yourself. I realize your post is aimed at people who forgot to do that but it is just crazy to marry someone that doesn’t share your core values. Whether it is money, faith, having kids, having pets, whatever, you should know going in what they think and seriously consider how much friction it might cause later. I’m an amateur having only been married 39 years but we discussed all of those things before she decided I was worth marrying. We’ve never had a big fight on anything and never even a small one on money.

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      I agree that marrying someone with similar core values is the best way to go! I married well and my husband and I rarely disagree about money. Although, sometimes we do have some healthy debates about it. 😉

  2. Pingback: Do’s and Don’ts in a Financial Crisis | Christine Luken - The Financial Lifeguard

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